he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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