I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
