Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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