The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hippo gnu deer
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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