If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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