Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
