Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
