Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
