i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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