Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
