And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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