Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
