Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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