Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
