C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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