Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
