I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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