YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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