Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
