there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
