My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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