oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
