i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
