in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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