What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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