I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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