pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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