Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
