I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Someone signed my nipple.
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