the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
and you fell through a lawn chair
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
