Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Someone signed my nipple.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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