I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
