What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
