I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
