i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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