Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize