Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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