Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
