Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
