Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
