toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
