i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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