textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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