youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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