well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
