Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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