dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
