At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
