I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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