Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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