Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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