you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
