we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
