called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
