I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
