I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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