I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize