i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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