Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
