i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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