i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
