i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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