The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
