Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize