Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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