would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
