So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
